A Site for Shore Eyes

I generally watch most of the Law and Order mutations and write off most of the inconsistencies to poetic license, or sometimes, just plain ignorance. Whatever. I remember one episode where a woman’s car stopped because someone put a ping pong ball in the gas tank, which got sucked down and cut off the gas flow. Never mind that quite a bit of suction would be required to overcome the buoyancy of a ping pong ball – I just want someone to explain to me how you would fit a ping pong ball through the gas tank filler pipe, which is restricted to the size of an unleaded gas nozzle. Like, where could you buy leaded gas if you wanted to, for that matter?

But forget Law and Order (the show, I mean), because one of the most ridiculous of the ridiculous happens to be CSI Miami.

I admit to often watching the show and suffering through the far-fetched story lines and pathetic acting, but isn’t the cinematography great, especially in HD?

Horatio annoys me the most, and ranks up there with the best of the worst actors ever to disgrace the small screen, which keeps getting bigger. Soon, moviegoers will see an announcement in the theaters that the movie has been formatted to fit that screen.

But back to Horatio and his stilted melodramatic so-called acting. Most normal people don’t speak as if everything they say carries monumental shock value, while making them sound cool and clever. Nor does Horatio sound cool and clever, although he obviously thinks otherwise. Nor do most “normal” people, when talking to someone else, address them by name in almost every sentence.

I’m only guessing, but I think that if someone talked to me with a cocked head shoved almost in my face, it would take a lot to resist punching him in the face. Okay, so a woman could get away with it, but that’s beside the point. I wonder why this guy doesn’t invest in a neck brace, because his head has gotten so big he can’t hold it straight.

But the real corker is the way he aims his pistol, head cocked to the side (again from the enormous weight, I suppose), with the gun right in front of his face. This works well with a rifle, but only a moron would attempt such a thing with a pistol. Bending your arms to such a degree to position the gun near your face leaves little resistance to the kick. Coupled with the fact that an automatic is involved, the slide has this silly tendency to retract with each shot. I’m not saying that you would definitely end up with a black eye or bloody nose, but why take the chance? Well, with Horatio, it’s all about the proper pose, technical consultants be damned!

And then there’s the monotoned blonde, who memorizes and recites her lines so well, without actually understanding how such lines would be spoken in real life. She sits at the other end of the spectrum from the type of acting seen in movies such as Gone With the Wind, where every line was overly emoted.

Generally, most of the other actors on the show perform a credible job, especially considering the material they’re given to work with.

And I’ll probably continue watching the show, although it’s nowhere near my “must watch” list. Horatio’s brother has been killed twice now. Maybe Horatio will eventually meet a similar fate and make some of us cynics a bit happier. Maybe he’ll even take the blonde with him.

This entry was posted on Thursday, September 21st, 2006 at 9:14 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.