A Site for Shore Eyes

Finally, the city of Wildwood decided to pay more attention to the class of vacationers fondly referred to as shoobies. Shoobies, for those who don’t know, are vacationers, often day-trippers, who satisfy their beach curiosity by wearing shoes to the beach. This becomes troublesome in more ways than one, both for the tourists as well as some of the residents and elected officials. The end result of walking on the beach while improperly shod is an accumulation of irritating beach sand inside the shoes. Everyone knows the consequences - once you get sand in your shoes you’ll always come back, and maybe that’s not such a great idea for some visitors.

After much head scratching, the commissioners finally figured out what to do with an $80,000 county grant. They reflected on the shooby problem and decided to resolve the situation. So, someone suggested paving the beach (possibly the mayor, who owns a concrete business), but that was rejected on the basis that prospectors with metal detectors would probably create a nuisance with jackhammers.

Someone else suggested ordering a fleet of monster buses to transport shod bathers from the boardwalk to water’s edge. This was rejected when someone pointed out that monster buses don’t exist, and to have them built would greatly exceed the paltry $80K offered by the county.

After considering other conventional options, such as catapults and pneumatic cannons, they finally agreed on an innovative plan almost too obvious to miss. They would build (or at least some prisoners would build) wooden walkways, AKA future driftwood! This was first demonstrated around 1884, and continued until around the turn of the century or later. In fact, the first boardwalk in Wildwood sat directly on the sand, until an alert person pointed out that building it atop elevated pilings would help keep it from relocating to England. Or maybe just New England, but no matter, because the idea was to keep it on its native island.

NOTE TO WILDWOOD CREST: Okay, so now you know what to do with the defunct fishing pier. BUILD SOME STEPS! Duh-uh. . .

I live in North Wildwood, so I can’t vote in the Wildwood election, but let me just say that I think the incumbents are doing a great job! They built a huge new convention center, then approved a master plan that eliminated most of the motel rooms. They apparently are negotiating with various organizations that hold annual one-day conventions. They eliminated the rocket ship street signs and replaced them with attractive behemoth palm tree street signs, which complement the silly-looking street lights along Ocean Avenue. Oh, and after trying a few test patterns for Pacific Avenue, they finally settled on the present plan, which features blocks and blocks of diverse, vibrant, empty storefronts. Their plan for high-rise hotels will save the city, however, by making it more homey to visitors from Philadelphia. Don’t get me wrong, it’s still a great place to visit, but if you come, go ahead and get some sand in your shoes.

A good friend expressed some alarm after reading some of my latest blogs. She feared the possibility that I could ruin the entire vacation industry for the island comprising the Wildwoods and Lower Township at the Jersey Shore. Additionally, she lamented the possibility of a mass exodus from the island. Because I live here and own no tourist-related business, my response was, “Well wouldn’t those be good things?”

Ha, ha, I’m only kidding. Previously, I listed a few reasons why moving here would be ill advised for most people seeking a higher standard of living. My motives were entirely ulterior, whatever that means, but I’m pretty sure it has something to do with benefiting me. Anyway, I’m now ready to expose my deceit, because I felt really bad about what I said about my home town, but mostly because this individual threatened to cause great harm to my Peke-a-poo, if I ever get one, although I’m now leaning toward a pit bull.

Enough said. Jackie and I don’t really live in North Wildwood, we only vacation here. Yes, that’s correct, we own a vacation home at the shore, and we live in it year-round, because we’re on a permanent vacation. (Note: For literary ease, unless otherwise specified, “Wildwood” will mean the entire island, including Wildwood, Wildwood Crest, North Wildwood, West Wildwood, East Wildwood, South Wildwood, and any Lower Township communities sucking up space on the island). Oops! I’ve just been informed by my literary assistant that East Wildwood and South Wildwood do not presently exist, but they could in the future, especially if the beach keeps expanding and Lower Township gets tired of trying to be something it’s not.

Anyway, there’s more to do here than sit around and watch the seagulls poop on the pilings, although I consider that a worthwhile enterprise for anyone with a covered deck or porch and a good book. In case that’s not your thing, but you like to watch things that look like fish, such as whales and dolphins, you can book a ride on The Sightseer, or The The Cape May Whale Watcher. I generally only recommend business enterprises that I like, unless I’m getting a kickback, and in this case I’m not, so you’re on your own in selecting the most suitable craft. I can tell you that The Sightseer is run by Captain Schumann, and I’ve known him since we were kids at the same time. He probably won’t remember me, so don’t mention my name, unless maybe you can talk him into setting up a referral fee thing with my site.

For you lighthouse people, Hereford Inlet Lighthouse occupies space in North Wildwood, and Cape May Lighthouse sits at Cape May Point.

Wildwood (remember the meaning) also schedules events, many of them free, throughout the summer, including weekly concerts and fireworks. For more information, visit the official Wildwood, North Wildwood, Wildwood Crest, or West Wildwood web sites.

The Wildwood boardwalk also offers fun for just about anyone, with amusement piers, water parks, shops, and lots of food! For more information on Wildwood, especially the boardwalk, visit the Morey’s Piers site, or visit Splash Zone, another huge water park. For those not able to get around, or anyone who’s just too darned lazy to walk, read about the other Sightseer, AKA The Tram Car, which runs the entire length of the boardwalk. The famous, “Watch the tram car please,” is a cutesy thing, but an air horn would clear the path more effectively.

While on the boards, it’s imperative to visit Lime Ricky (they have a cool website, too). For salt water taffy, visit James’ and Fralinger’s Salt Water Taffy (they used to be competitors). I won’t mention all of the candy stores selling salt water taffy and fudge, but if fudge is your thing, I recommend Laura’s Fudge, just off the boardwalk at Wildwood Avenue, and at locations along the boardwalk. Several other places sell good fudge, so figure it out for yourself. In case you can’t get to the island, salt water taffy, fudge, and other candy can be ordered on line at the respective merchant sites.

Anyway, I just figured out that it would take a few days to write about everything good about Wildwood, including one of the best beaches in the world. Okay, so there are no palm trees, but you can find some fake ones at some of the still existing doo wop motels, which reminds me that another must see is the Doo Wop Preservation League, so visit their site and see what they’re all about.

Okay, I’m stopping, but not without mentioning The Wildwoods Convention Center, which is both conventional, in that it hosts conventions; and somewhat unconventional, because it hosts many other things, such as concerts, especially featuring entertainers from the Golden Years of Rock and Roll, although not limited thereto.

Enough said. Many people already know about this place, so it’s not exactly a well-kept secret, but once you come here, you’ll want the entire island for yourself, but you’re just going to have to share it.

I decided to reopen my blog to comments after thinking short and easy about it. This should be welcome news to all of you who read my blog but never leave comments anyway.

I’m one of those persons who never (or at least, rarely) got the party. Through the years, fellow and fellowette workers stopped by my desk and asked me to contribute to someone’s birthday or going-away party, yet no one seemed to notice when my birthday rolled around; and whenever I left a job, no one seemed to notice. Perhaps they noticed at some point after I left, but how would I know that? I suspect the party may have also occurred after I left, and I’m okay with that.

Anyway, I really don’t like comments, especially when they disagree with my point-of-view. No, I don’t think there’s only one side to every story, or that I’m always right, but I’d rather just say what I want, and if someone disagrees with it, then they disagree with it. See, the problem isn’t that there are two sides to ever story; the problem lies in the fact that there are probably thousands of sides to every story. The yes-buts and the what-ifs may present some interesting viewpoints, but mainly they simply amount to a lot of useless clutter. I figure if you disagree with something I write, then go write your own blog to set the readers straight. You’re even welcome to leave a trackback, as long as it’s intelligible.

For the individuals who repeatedly attempt to leave questionable trackbacks or comments, I should make it clear that my site’s policy is to accept no links (even reciprocal links) to sites promoting or offering prescription drugs, gambling, or anything of a pornographic or offensive nature. This is in line not only with my personal views, but also within the required guidelines of the companies of which Barrier Island Art is affiliated.

I publish this blog for one main reason, and that is to entertain. If you don’t find it entertaining, you’re welcome to not read it. On the other hand, I continue watching CSI Miami, even though I consider David Caruso one of the worst actors of all time. Forget the shades, the silly posing, and the melodramatic talking - I just wonder why someone working mainly outside in Miami would wear black all the time? My point is, if you don’t like what I write, but read it anyway, I understand.

Mainly, I hope I can bring a smile to the faces of most readers, and I really don’t care why you’re smiling. If you sit there laughing because you think I’m an idiot, that’s good, because I might even agree with you. Probably not, though. If you sense outrage and throw your mouse at your dog, that’s bad, and you’re missing my point.

Anyway, today is Easter Saturday, and we’re expecting snow here in South Jersey. This could mess up my plans of traveling to Tennessee to buy some carbon credits from Al Gore.

It’s probably a good thing that no one who reads my blogs ever leaves a serious comment, because I have suspended this privilege, at least for the time being.

I prefer to leave anything I write open to comments from anyone, but I have grown tired of logging on to moderate the numerous trackbacks left by someone who is either insane, an idiot, or nearly illiterate; maybe all three.

Consider a trackback for a site supposedly set up to download free music, with the following comment: “The cutback minimizes the fabric protruding into the range and looks alien on marble, tile or unruffled bricks. What should i avoid while prepossessing it ?”

What am I to make of something like this? My impression is that the person is on really heavy drugs or is nuttier than a fruitcake. I charge no one for using my site, and require no registration, except for leaving comments on my blog. So why does someone want to cause me extra work? I don’t know, but I also never knew why someone would want to cause problems for others by spreading malicious viruses.

Consider this trackback comment: “The warmth judiciary, which is constructed with massive duty thrust iron, superheats the air which is then pushed bet on into the place with the aid of turkish airline airfares promotions cheap tickets airfares blower….”

I thought I learned English and grammar pretty well, but I guess I should have paid more attention to the part about gibberish, because I haven’t a clue as to what this person thinks he or she is supposed to be talking about, or what purpose is served by posting this puerile drivel.

Another post reads: “In spite of that, since all of movie adultfriendfinder sympathomimetic inclination suppressants are almost identical, any of movie adultfriendfinder in the sky sides junk may become manifest with any of movie adultfriendfinderse medicines….”

So now the idiot who posted this crap finally gets to see it in my blog. Yes, I left out a few of them, but I doubt that someone with such a vacant mind will even notice.

Some of us have silly dreams, but they’re only silly to others. Like most people, I had lots of dreams, but most of them were nothing more than things that I thought would be nice if they happened to me. I don’t know when it actually occurred to me that most dreams don’t just happen to people without some form of purposeful pursuit, but I guess I finally figured it out.

Many would probably laugh at what eventually became one of my most important goals, namely, to move back to the barrier island where I grew up. Back in high school, many of my classmates wanted to get out of this place once and for all. They considered it the end of the world, tucked away at the bottom of New Jersey, where nothing happened except during the three months of summer.

I never wanted to leave, but my career as a structural engineer demanded my resources in just about everyplace but the Jersey Shore.

Nor was I truly certain that I wanted to return, although infrequent trips home to visit relatives started my nostalgic juices flowing, if only for a brief time. I lived in the south, mostly Georgia, for about 20 years. My family loved it there, and lost any desire they ever may have had for returning to the northeast.

When the job market bottomed out in the south, I took a job in Maryland near the end of 2002, thinking of it as a temporary thing. A month after I arrived, I noticed that my wife of over 32 years had sought a divorce attorney, and we ended our marriage two weeks before our 33^rd anniversary. The winter snows suddenly became much more appealing to me.

I met Jacalyn in 2005, and eventually moved to Woodstown, New Jersey, about 65 miles from where I started out. My sister and younger brother, as well as many of my other relatives, still resided in the area, and my older brother moved back to the area from Indiana, after retiring.

Jackie wanted to live in the mountains, but started considering modifying her dream to coincide more closely with mine. I would have done the same, but admit that I’m glad I never had to make that choice.

We made a list of the many reasons we would never consider moving to the Jersey Shore, and started looking at potential places in other states, especially North Carolina. South Jersey real estate prices, especially near the shore areas, went out of sight, and way beyond what we considered fair market value.

Funny things happen, though, and the inflated real estate prices caused a building boom, and we realized it would be only a matter of time before the hucksters killed the goose that laid the golden egg. We started looking closer to home, waiting for the craziness to subside. Neither of us really wanted to move away from our closest relatives.

It’s not really a long story, but I’ll make it short anyway. We recently bought a place in North Wildwood, where I was born, but now with a better view.

The island is still the same, only much different. Many of the older homes and motels disappeared, replaced by condos and townhomes. The business section along Pacific Avenue in Wildwood has reinvented itself several times, looking for a new identity, and it certainly hasn’t found one yet. And the beaches in Wildwood and Wildwood Crest keep getting wider. The elected officials in the Crest fight over whether to preserve a fishing pier rendered worthless by the absence of ocean beneath it. They continue fishing, but only for answers.

But it’s still pretty much the end of the world, especially during the winter months. The addition of some major retailers in Rio Grande makes real shopping much closer to reality now, saving a few trips to more populated areas for big ticket items. Internet shopping also helps considerably.

I definitely don’t recommend moving here. Things go way too slow during the winter, and way too fast during the summer. You’ll go from feeling lonely and abandoned during the winters, to smothered and crushed during the summers. You won’t like it, trust me, and progress is our least important product here.

Most of my dreams fell by the wayside. I no longer care about being rich and I never wanted to be famous. But now I’m famously rich with Jackie and our home by the backwaters, and I just don’t care much about money or anything else.