Sharks in the Shallows
In one of my recent articles I offered advice concerning avoiding shark bites by limiting your bathing to ankle-deep water. I still stand (no pun intended) by this advice, even though a shark attacked a lady standing in fairly shallow water, in Myrtle Beach, SC. Initially, reports indicated that the victim was in ankle-deep water, but later reports stated that the water depth was to the middle of her thighs.
My instructions specifically stated a maximum depth of eight inches, and at that depth, the only sharks capable of attacking you are daddy long legs sharks, which have mouths too small to bite a human. There I go again. My research assistant just informed me that it’s the daddy long legs spider that I’m referring to. Okay, so you don’t have to worry about daddy long legs spider body surfers, because they can’t bite you, and neither could the daddy long legs sharks, if there were such a thing.
You know, I’m getting tired of people butting in and telling me that killer whales come up almost to the beach and eat SEALs. I checked with the U.S. Navy, and there has not been one instance of a SEAL being eaten by a killer whale, with the exception of one who worked at Sea World after getting out of the Navy. Anyway, I was responding to a question concerning shark safety, not safety from killer whales. You are NEVER safe from killer whales at the beach!
Anyway, I just read that your chances of being attacked by a shark are about 11.1 million to one, unless you actually go in the water, so the lady in Myrtle Beach should probably buy a lotto ticket.
Cape May made the news again. Seems that one of their policeman used one of the municipality’s dump trucks (with permission) to perform some private landscaping work. Fortunately for him, he received no monetary compensation for the job, which explains why he covered up the city’s logo with the logo of his landscaping company. This whole thing seems logical to me, because how could he afford to buy his own truck for his business if he doesn’t charge for his services? I think the three-day suspension he received was a bit harsh, but maybe not, because I don’t know how much money he didn’t receive for the job.
Cape May also invited the New Jersey State Police to welcome visitors to the island during the Memorial Day weekend by setting up a Click It or Ticket program at the entrance. Any driver or front-seat passenger not buckled up received a $46.00 summons. In a show of good will, Governor Corzine volunteered to pay for the tickets himself. Cape May certainly knows how to bring people back!
Wildwood is still trying to figure out what material to use for its boardwalk replacement program, or whatever it is they call it. They’re now leaning toward recycled doo-wop motel material from the city landfill.
If you want to worry about something other than sharks, a lady in Bridgeton was just arrested for stabbing her boyfriend in the leg. About a year ago, he stabbed himself in the chest by walking into a knife she was holding. She was convicted in 2000 for stabbing another guy to death. Your chances of being attacked by this lady, in or out of the water, are estimated at about 1200 to 1.