A Site for Shore Eyes

A few weeks ago, I looked out the front window and noticed the rear hatchback window on my car was covered with ice. Strangely enough, the windshield was clear, as were the windows of other cars on the street. I shrugged, and chalked it up to strange phenomena. I usually keep both cars in the garage, but due to some rearranging while getting out Christmas ornaments, I moved it outside temporarily.

The next day I became slightly (meaning very) concerned when I noticed the same thing. “Hey, Jackie,” I yelled, “come look at my car and tell me if you think this is ice!” She said that she thought the window was broken. I said I had reached the same conclusion but wanted someone to tell me I was wrong.

I suspected a clam attack, because killer clams often fly in with little warning, doing their little Humpty Dumpty thing in the middle of the street. Lacking opposing thumb claws, herring gulls haven’t learned the art of properly opening clams using a knife, so they limit their shucking to dropping the bivalves onto a hard surface.

Closer inspection of the rear window showed a small hole, which caused the entire sheet of glass to shatter. A mussel, attached to a clump of seaweed, or vice-versa, rested under the rear spoiler. The shucking attempt failed, and the seagull apparently lost interest, or maybe he just flew away, feeling much like a kid who broke a window with a baseball. I suspect that the seaweed caught a gust of wind, causing the morsel to miss its intended target.

Thankfully, I have insurance, so I called the company and they told me to get in touch with their glazing department, which I did. They told me I have a $500.00 deductible. This doesn’t sound as bad when you’re buying the insurance, but now I felt a little less penny-wise than before.

The glass man showed up the next day with a new window. It started raining, so he asked if I could move the car into the garage. I did, after moving the other vehicle to the street. A new Shop Vac is on the way to clean up the glass he left on the garage floor.

The whole operation took about an hour or so, and when he finished he presented me with the bill, which came to about $536.00. It’s a good thing I have insurance, I thought, as I wrote a check for $500.00. If not, I would have had to come up with the extra $36.00. I think I’ll check my premium, and while I’m at it, I’ll see how much the fine is for shooting a seagull. I think it’s called cost-benefit analysis.

About a year ago I changed cell phone providers and got a new phone. When it came in the mail, I looked out the window, expecting to see a crowd of network people, but the street sat empty. The phone appeared to work okay, but never held a charge for very long. Recently, it got to the point where it wouldn’t hold a charge for a day, even when it wasn’t being used.

I searched the internet for batteries and found a number of retailers that carried that battery. They only offered batteries online, however, and my wife reminded me that all of those people were supposed to be standing around offering assistance. I called our cell phone provider and explained the problem. The lady said my phone was still under warranty, but only until the end of the month, and that they would fix or replace it. She told me the nearest place I could take it for service was forty miles away.

Off we went, and I expected a procession of vehicles, led by the “Can you hear me now?” guy with the black-rimmed glasses, but they kept themselves well hidden. I figured they would follow us into the store when we reached the mall, but we got out of the vehicle and looked around, and saw only a few shoppers. Okay, so they’d be waiting for us inside, I was certain.

My wife had other errands to run, so I approached the counter and the seven or so individuals were either helping other customers, or standing around talking. The first person I contacted told me to take my phone down to the guy at the end, which I did. He hardly acknowledged my presence, but I explained the problem. He removed the battery from my phone and said it had been overcharged. He then placed it on the counter and gave it a spin, explaining that it wouldn’t spin if it hadn’t been overcharged. Way too high-tech for my mind.

A few minutes later, I left with a brand new battery in my phone. He said it was best to let it reach a low reserve before charging it, but that it wasn’t really necessary. He also said to not talk on the phone while it was charging.

I fully charged it the next day and was glad to see that it still showed a full charge the morning after that. At some point someone called me and we spoke for about three minutes. That evening, the battery was totally discharged, and I felt that maybe the crowd of network people assigned to me were sleeping on the job. I recharged the battery, and it held its charge for less than a full day, with no phone usage. Finding no crowd of people outside our home, I gassed up and we set out on the first leg of another 80-mile round trip.

Again, no procession, and no team waiting for us. The same individual seemed even less interested in my problem than during the first encounter. He asked me if I had many bars in my home town. I said there were a few, but some were closed during the winter, and, who really cares, because I don’t drink. He said that no, he meant how many bars did I have on my phone? I told him I had none, just a couple of pizza places and a seafood joint. He seemed frustrated, and explained that he meant the little bar symbols on my phone that indicated signal strength. I said that the guy with the black-rimmed glasses was supposed to take care of that for me, no matter where I went.

He told me to come back in about 45 minutes, so we spent the time eating in a Chinese food place. After some pretty decent orange chicken, fried rice, and lo mein, we returned to the phone counter. Without saying a word, another guy who worked with the other surly individual, handed me a new phone.

I asked what I should do if the problem persists, and he told me to call, and they would send someone to our area to test signal strength, and if it wasn’t strong enough, they would add some boosters or something to the towers. I expected workers with hard hats to drop down on cables from the mall ceiling, but not a one appeared. I continually checked the rear view mirror on the trip home, but all of those network people must have been following someone else.