A Site for Shore Eyes

A friend of mine told me he’s glad someone is finally proposing a windfall profits tax on oil companies.

I asked why he thought it was a good idea.

“Those oil companies make too much money. Obscene amounts of money.”

“And you think there should be a limit on how much you’re allowed to earn?”

“Of course there should be. They’re charging us too much for gas.”

“And how much should a person or corporation be allowed to earn?” I asked.

“They shouldn’t be allowed to earn too much, especially when it costs the consumer.”

“I see,” I continued. “So we should come up with an arbitrary amount, and if somebody makes more than that we should tax them some more?”

“That’s the idea. Gas costs too much these days.”

“If gas costs too much, why not stop buying it? If nobody buys any petroleum products, the oil companies won’t make any money at all.”

“I have to buy it!” he said. “I have no choice!”

“So if gasoline were to cost $1,000 per gallon, you would still buy it?”

“No, I couldn’t buy it if it cost that much! It would cost me ten or twenty thousand dollars to fill up my tank! I don’t have that much money!” he ranted.

“So what you’re saying is gas doesn’t cost too much now.”

“That’s not what I’m saying! It costs way too much!”

“I don’t see it the way you do,” I said. “You said you wouldn’t buy it if it cost a thousand dollars a gallon, but you buy it now. What’s the difference? If you think it cost too much now, just stop buying it.”

“I can’t stop buying it, because I need it. I already told you that.”

“Right,” I said. “But you said you wouldn’t buy it if it cost a thousand dollars a gallon. Would you somehow stop needing it then?”

“No, I wouldn’t stop needing it. I just wouldn’t be able to buy it.”

“So you wouldn’t really need it, in other words,” I said. “You would figure out how to work around it somehow.”

“I would have to, wouldn’t I? Only the very rich would even have the capability of buying it.”

“So you’ve just told me again that gas isn’t too expensive at this time. If gas were a thousand dollars a gallon, and only the very rich bought it, the oil companies would go under in no time.”

“Yeah, but we should regulate how much they’re allowed to make. They’re making it because of us,” he said.

“Exactly! They’re making it because people are buying their products. Obviously, people might complain about prices, but the only way to measure whether or not prices are too high is by supply and demand. If demand decreases, prices are probably higher than they should be.”

“Well, they are higher than they should be. Those companies are making too much money!”

“Is Google making too much money? Should the government tell them they should only be allowed to make a certain amount? How about Starbucks? Wal-Mart? Target? What about Nike?”

“Well, they’re not oil companies. Oil companies are making way too much money!”

“How about,” I continued, if I told you the profit margin for oil companies was considerably less than that of the companies I mentioned? What would you think then?”

“I don’t know. They didn’t make as many billions as the oil companies.”

“Why not complain about what government has done to drive up the price of oil? They’ve forced us to use ethanol, which is about 20 to 30 percent less efficient than pure petroleum-based gasoline. It also costs more to manufacture, and uses vast amounts of petroleum products to manufacture and transport it. It has enough water in it to make it too corrosive to ship by pipeline, if such pipelines existed. It takes 1700 gallons of water to make one gallon of ethanol. Besides the regular government excise tax on gasoline, add another fifty-one cents per gallon to subsidize corn production. Subsidies for ethanol production are at least $1.05 per gallon. Gas prices haven’t gone up as much as food, everything from corn to wheat to dairy products and meat. We’re growing much less wheat and other crops which are being replaced by corn. Besides driving up the prices of vegetables, it costs more to buy feed for farm animals for dairy production and meat. We could bring in cheaper foreign ethanol, but your good old government has imposed a fifty-four cent per gallon tariff on that, to stack the deck in favor of the U.S. subsidized ethanol production.”

“Really?” he asked.

“Check it out yourself. And I haven’t even mentioned that China has ever-increasing demands for oil, and they don’t seem to care what it costs. That’s where the oil companies make a lot of their profits, and China gets a lot of its money from exporting its products to the U.S. And now some people are talking about taxing the oil companies even more? Do you think that will scare them into decreasing the price of gasoline, or increasing the price to offset the new taxes? Maybe I don’t know how all of this works.”

“That’s scary, but I still think we should do something about those huge profits.”

“Right. Let’s penalize people for providing a need and getting paid for it,” I told him. “Meantime, the government is adding about two dollars to every gallon of gasoline, through subsidies and taxes, and it’s affecting food prices even more than it affects the gas. And we’re letting vast reserves of oil sit in the ground due to over-regulation as well as bans on drilling. Makes sense to me, I suppose.”

“But I heard they were talking about decreasing the subsidy programs.”

“Yes,” I responded. “They expect to decrease farm subsidies by $4.5 billion, and instead provide incentives for conservation, which will increase by $7.8 billion. Whoopee! That’s quite a savings, don’t you think?”

“How do I know you aren’t just making all of this up?”

“Read the September 2007 issue of Amber Waves, a publication by the U.S. Department of Agriculture. You can read it online @
Amber Waves

“Okay, I’ll check it out.”

“As the late Steve Zeitz said, “You can fuel some of the people oil the time, and oil the people some of the time, but you can’t fuel oil the people oil the time.”

Each time I read about Strathmere residents wanting to secede from Upper Township and hook up with Sea Isle City, I wondered why they would want to do that. The last time Upper Township imposed a local purpose tax was during the reign of King Nummy.

That was also shortly before the last time I drove through Strathmere. No one actually goes to Strathmere, they only drive or ride through it. That is, except for the residents.

The other day I had occasion to drive through it once again, on our way to Atlantic City. Now I realize why the residents want to dissociate themselves from Upper Township. It’s all about money.

Strathmerians obviously love to spend money! The entire community looks snobby, although I’m not actually suggesting that any of the citizens actually are snobby. The lady pushing a dog in a baby carriage was actually in Ventnor, which I won’t mention. These are people who gain status by paying more than their friends and neighbors paid for the same things.

I’m different. I love a bargain. A couple of years ago I paid $162.00 for a set of four Bridgestone tires, mounted and balanced, taxes included. The “out the door” price, as they call it. About fifteen years ago I bought a brand new 54-piece set of Stanley socket wrenches for $6.00, at Wal-Mart. Someone from Strathmere would probably attempt to drive the same bargain up to about $400.00. “You paid $400.00 for a set of cheap socket wrenches?” a neighbor would ask. “Yep, and I almost got them to take four-fifty, but they just wouldn’t budge.”

Most of us common folk worry somewhat about money. Well, I guess we don’t really worry about it, but we at least ensure that we have enough available, or can get a big enough loan, before we buy something. They don’t worry about money in Strathmere because they’re not really sure what it is. It’s just there when they want it, so it’s natural that they would be insulted by the prospect of not paying any local purpose tax.

“I don’t get it,” a local resident told me during an interview. “Why won’t they let me pay a local purpose tax? We have nothing to complain about here! Sure, the state taxes soak up a lot of money from us, but with no local purpose tax, our tax bills look paltry compared with the rest of the state! Next thing you know, the riffraff will take over the community because they’ll actually be able to afford their subprime mortgages here!”

It’s not that I’m jealous of these people. Okay, so I’m jealous. I found it impossible to actually close my mouth until I reached the Margate city line, although I felt no less humble in that community, either. My jaw actually came back into place when I reached Ventnor, and I won’t comment on that community. Well, except to say that I wouldn’t want to live there, and that has nothing to do with its close proximity to Atlantic City. Ventnor is Ventnor, or maybe it’s Atlantic City, it’s hard to tell. I mean, if it weren’t for the monument, you would never realize you were no longer in Ventnor. Or maybe it’s that when you’re in Ventnor you would never realize you’re not in Atlantic City. So I just won’t bother to mention Ventnor.

No, I didn’t omit Longport. I just don’t know where it is. And if I did know, I’m not sure I could tell whether I was in Longport or Strathmere. Or Margate, except it’s bigger than the other two and has an elephant. I don’t know where all this money comes from, but most of it was here before they built the Taj Mahal. I mean the one in India.

Anyway, it feels good to be back in North Wildwood. I feel so much less humble here.

Bureaucrat: Department of Consumer Affairs. How may I help you?

Citizen: I want to report some businesses, especially restaurants, that print out the entire charge card number on receipts.

Bureaucrat: They can’t do that. Tell me the details.

Citizen: When I get the receipt, my entire charge card number is on the merchant’s copy, but only the last four digits are on my copy.

Bureaucrat: Oh, well that’s okay. They can do that. It only has to be blanked out on your copy.

Citizen: I don’t understand. The merchant’s copy is the one I leave on the table, for anyone to see, and the one that the merchant’s employees can view. I don’t need my card number hidden from me, because the number is on the card, which I also have.

Bureaucrat: I’m just telling you what the law says.

Citizen: I thought that Public Law 2002, Chapter 101, read, “No retail sales establishment shall print electronically more than the last five digits of a customer’s credit card account number or the expiration date of that credit card upon any sales receipt provided at the point of sale to the customer, except that the provisions of this section shall not apply to any sales receipt in which the sole means of recording the customer’s credit card number is by handwriting or by an imprint or copy of the credit card.”

Bureaucrat: Right. That means it only has to be blanked out on your copy. The store has to have the numbers so they can get paid.

Citizen: They get paid when they scan the card. They don’t have to print out the number. So where does it say that?

Bureaucrat: You just read it to me.

Citizen: Right, and it says any sales receipt provided at the point of sale to the customer. The store’s copy is provided to me, is it not?

Bureaucrat: That’s the store’s copy. It isn’t provided to you.

Citizen: If it isn’t provided to me, how is it possible that I sign it?

Bureaucrat: That’s their copy. The numbers aren’t on your copy.

Citizen: Well, it’s provided to me at the point of sale, so according to the law, all but the last five digits have to be blanked out.

Bureaucrat: Only on your copy. It doesn’t have to be on their copy.

Citizen: And where does it say that?

Bureaucrat: That’s what it says.

Citizen: Okay, read to me where it says that.

Bureaucrat: You read it. That’s what it says.

Citizen: And I want you to tell me specifically where it says that only my copy has to comply with the law. The law says, any copy provided to the customer at the point of sale.

Bureaucrat: Right, meaning your copy.

Citizen: Okay, explain to me why I would want to steal my credit card number from myself? I already know what it is. I don’t want a sales receipt with my entire credit card number sitting on the table for anyone to see.

Bureaucrat: Right, so it shouldn’t be left on the table.

Citizen: That’s usually the procedure. It sits right there on the table for anyone to see.

Bureaucrat: They shouldn’t leave it on the table.

Citizen: Have you ever eaten in a restaurant?

Bureaucrat: I eat in restaurants many times.

Citizen: And do they leave the sales receipt with your credit card number on it sitting on the table?

Bureaucrat: I always pay cash when I go out to dinner.

Citizen: I can see why you don’t understand the law. You’re still living in the sixties.

Bureaucrat: Are you insulting me?

Citizen: No, I think you’ve insulted yourself with this entire conversation. So are you saying you’re not going to investigate my complaint?

Bureaucrat: I’ll investigate it, just like the last time, but so far, all of these places are in compliance with the law. They don’t print the full credit card number on your copy, and that’s what the law says.

Citizen: Okay, I’m getting a bit frustrated here. Will you please read the part of the law that says it only has to be blanked out on my copy?

Bureaucrat: That’s what it says. You already read it to me.

In case you think this is ridiculous, or humorous, consider the fact that this conversation actually happened, both on the county and state levels. I have contacted my senator (no response) and The Answer Guy for the Press of Atlantic City (no response). I intend to pursue the matter further, but am trying to figure out whether or not I’m insane. Some of the establishments I’ve encountered who comply only with the law as interpreted by Consumer Affairs:

The Crest Tavern, Lower Township
The Bellevue, Cape May Court House
Casey’s on 3rd, North Wildwood
Fishtales, Galloway Township

Please check your sales receipts, especially the store’s copy. If you find your entire credit card number on the receipt, do what I do. Sign the customer’s copy and leave it on the table, and take the store’s copy with you.

If anyone can figure out how to get the NJ state government to enforce its own law, please let me know.

Things are looking up for flounder (or flounders, if you prefer) in New Jersey, although, admittedly, flounder are always looking up. That’s because both of their eyes eventually end up on one side of their bodies.

The New Jersey Marine Fisheries Council, in its infinite wisdom, set the legal size limit to 18 inches, up an inch from last year. The Council also shortened the season length.

This is, indeed, good news for the flatfish, and an influx of undersized flounder from other areas is expected. We saw this in 2007, with blue claw crabs. Crabbers found it difficult to catch any crabs large enough to keep last summer, and some felt that it was President Bush’s fault, but it was really just a clever ploy by the crabs themselves.

“Clem, don’t pay any attention to those ‘Eat Mor Chikin’ signs,” said a crabby wife to her husband. “Chickens don’t live in the bay. Send the kids in, because they’re not allowed to keep our kids.”

“But what if they keep them anyway?” Clem asks. “Sometimes they do that, you know. Chuck and Clara lost all their kids last year.”

“Those kids weren’t the sharpest claws in the mud. They could have easily slipped through the openings in the trap. I’m just saying don’t mess around with chicken or dead bunkers.”

We also saw a migration of dwarf crabs, known as LC’s or little crabs to the area.

And so the case will be within the flounder populace:

“Flora, take off that silly-looking tailpiece! If you get caught wearing that, you’re a keeper!”

“Oh, don’t worry, Fred. I stay away from lone minnows playing hooky from their schools. I can’t be fooled that easily! Hey, look! There’s part of a shedder crab floating a foot off the bottom! I just can’t resist shedder cr-a-a. . .ouch!”

The most educated flounder will consult with their crabby brethren, agreeing to provide part of their tail fins as food if the crabs perform the trimming.

A bigger question is whether or not the fishermen (and women) intend to comply. The commercial fishers have little choice, but those fishing for recreation may think differently. We interviewed one:

Interviewer: “Sir, do you intend to comply with the new rules for summer flounder?”

Sam (a fisherman): “I intend to comply, as long as the fish I catch are of legal size.”

Interviewer: “And what if they’re not?”

Sam: “Not much I can do about that. I don’t have any way of telling the fish to not bite if it happens to be undersized. I’ve got a family to feed, you know.”

Interviewer: “Right, but if you sold your boat you could feed your family.”

Sam: “Maybe for ten or twenty years, but then what? You reporters always think you have all the answers!”

We also wonder if the intent is for “zero-tolerance” enforcement.

Marine Police: “Sir, this flounder measures only seventeen and fifteen-sixteenths inches. I’m afraid you’re the one who’s going to spend the night in the cooler.”

Fish Person: “We’ll, it measured eighteen-and-one-quarter when I landed it. The sun must have shrunk it. I hardly think that’s fair. I think it’s supposed to be the length when you catch it, which is the pre-shrinkage length. You have to allow for shrinkage.”

Marine Police: “Tell you what. I’m going to let this one slide, being as you said it measured out at eighteen-and-a-quarter when you caught it. However, I have to charge you a twenty-dollar shrinkage fee, payable in cash.”

Fish Person: “Just for future reference, is that shrinkage fee the same for one that’s say, sixteen inches? Not that I’d attempt to keep one that small, although that’s really not small, but I was just wondering. . .”

So it seems that this restriction may be opening a new can of worms, although I’ve never seen them for sale, and flounder don’t like them that much anyway. I think they should go back to the standard of looking at a fish and saying, “Looks like a keeper!”

We seem to spend way too much time worrying about fish populations, while ignoring our own population problems, especially with respect to illegal immigration. A long time ago, Jesus proved that if God wants fish, He can make them, and He can make them legal size if the occasion requires it.

If you live in New Jersey and are considering moving to California because things just aren’t quite weird enough here, don’t waste your time. The Garden State thrives on weirdness, and I call the latest batch served up by the state, forced freedom, for want of a better term. The state Department of Environmental Protection, better known as the DEP, now threatens to withhold beach replenishment funds to any municipality not allowing 24-7 access to its beaches.

That almost sounds like a good thing, but the head honchos of various shore towns disagree. They fear people drowning, or even worse, that the towns post 24-hour lifeguards, probably equipped with night vision goggles. Other concerns include wild, unsupervised parties, people getting raked up by cleaning equipment, and loss of revenue from catching violators. I might have made that last one up, but probably not.

As a teenager I considered the beach curfew a double-edged sword. I only wanted to go on the beach at night for one reason, and it always included a girl. So while I resented the curfew law, it came in handy whenever I spotted the patrol jeep and instructed my female friend to get flat on the sand. We never got caught, although the spotlight’s beam danced around us many times. We must have looked like driftwood or something.

Back to the issue at hand. Wildwood’s mayor said the last thing he needs to worry about is the possibility of someone drowning at night. I’m not sure why he would have to worry about it, unless he were the one drowning, but he’s probably concerned that it would detract from his time worrying about how to get those 27-story high rises approved.

And why would Wildwood, of all places, care about beach replenishment funds? I moved away for a couple of decades, and when I returned, the only thing the fishermen could catch off the fishing pier were fiddler crabs, and now it requires a pretty good cast to even snag one of those. Wildwood and Wildwood Crest have so much beach they are in danger of no longer holding status as seashore communities. I haven’t heard the DEP mention anything about ocean replenishment funds.

But 24-hour beach access can be dangerous, and I speak from personal experience. Back in my Navy days, the Coronado beach was certainly cheaper than a hotel room, and much easier to manage than going all the way back to the ship. I slept there one night and woke up a bit late. I have no idea what the sun had against my feet in the instep area, but I had sunburn so bad I had a hard time walking. I almost got put on report for dereliction of duty, but finally talked my supervisor into allowing me to wear shower shoes (flip-flops to civilians) to the bridge for my duty.

Motel owners needn’t worry that they’ll lose business to the beach, because it’s just too inconvenient for most people, even if the price is right. And those sleeping too close to water’s edge could be attacked by a swarm of fiddler crabs, although I’ve never heard of it happening. Look what happened when Gulliver tried to save a few bucks by sleeping on the beach. I’m not sure that Jersey has Lilliputians, but if it did, they would be called something else. I’m just saying that no one really knows what goes on down on the beach at night, because it has always been off limits. We’ve all heard tales from the patrol people, but we’ve mostly written them off as folklore.

Cape May officials say that the DEP is threatening to withhold funds if the city doesn’t get rid of the feral cats on the beach, so there’s another compelling reason to avoid it during the darkest hours. Or during daylight, for that matter. Cats, I suppose, see the beach as nothing more than a giant litter box. If you go, take a small rake.

They also cite a case from 2005 when a police officer in an SUV ran over a sleeping tourist. The woman apparently suffered only bruises, but it could have been worse if the wrong equipment had been involved. A tractor could have run over her and raked up whatever was left, but I don’t think that’s something I should mention, because my articles are all rated PG or less.

For now, that’s about all I have to say, and I have to get back to my task at hand. I’m working on a design for headlights on surfboards.