Each time I read about Strathmere residents wanting to secede from Upper Township and hook up with Sea Isle City, I wondered why they would want to do that. The last time Upper Township imposed a local purpose tax was during the reign of King Nummy.
That was also shortly before the last time I drove through Strathmere. No one actually goes to Strathmere, they only drive or ride through it. That is, except for the residents.
The other day I had occasion to drive through it once again, on our way to Atlantic City. Now I realize why the residents want to dissociate themselves from Upper Township. It’s all about money.
Strathmerians obviously love to spend money! The entire community looks snobby, although I’m not actually suggesting that any of the citizens actually are snobby. The lady pushing a dog in a baby carriage was actually in Ventnor, which I won’t mention. These are people who gain status by paying more than their friends and neighbors paid for the same things.
I’m different. I love a bargain. A couple of years ago I paid $162.00 for a set of four Bridgestone tires, mounted and balanced, taxes included. The “out the door” price, as they call it. About fifteen years ago I bought a brand new 54-piece set of Stanley socket wrenches for $6.00, at Wal-Mart. Someone from Strathmere would probably attempt to drive the same bargain up to about $400.00. “You paid $400.00 for a set of cheap socket wrenches?” a neighbor would ask. “Yep, and I almost got them to take four-fifty, but they just wouldn’t budge.”
Most of us common folk worry somewhat about money. Well, I guess we don’t really worry about it, but we at least ensure that we have enough available, or can get a big enough loan, before we buy something. They don’t worry about money in Strathmere because they’re not really sure what it is. It’s just there when they want it, so it’s natural that they would be insulted by the prospect of not paying any local purpose tax.
“I don’t get it,” a local resident told me during an interview. “Why won’t they let me pay a local purpose tax? We have nothing to complain about here! Sure, the state taxes soak up a lot of money from us, but with no local purpose tax, our tax bills look paltry compared with the rest of the state! Next thing you know, the riffraff will take over the community because they’ll actually be able to afford their subprime mortgages here!”
It’s not that I’m jealous of these people. Okay, so I’m jealous. I found it impossible to actually close my mouth until I reached the Margate city line, although I felt no less humble in that community, either. My jaw actually came back into place when I reached Ventnor, and I won’t comment on that community. Well, except to say that I wouldn’t want to live there, and that has nothing to do with its close proximity to Atlantic City. Ventnor is Ventnor, or maybe it’s Atlantic City, it’s hard to tell. I mean, if it weren’t for the monument, you would never realize you were no longer in Ventnor. Or maybe it’s that when you’re in Ventnor you would never realize you’re not in Atlantic City. So I just won’t bother to mention Ventnor.
No, I didn’t omit Longport. I just don’t know where it is. And if I did know, I’m not sure I could tell whether I was in Longport or Strathmere. Or Margate, except it’s bigger than the other two and has an elephant. I don’t know where all this money comes from, but most of it was here before they built the Taj Mahal. I mean the one in India.
Anyway, it feels good to be back in North Wildwood. I feel so much less humble here.