While awaiting the return of the laughing gulls for the summer season I watched some National Geographic specials and also read some news headlines on the internet. They all pertained, in one way or another, to how life began in some primordial soup, mmm-m, mmm-m good!
I think their theories are a bunch of hogwash, although I’ve failed in finding either hogwash or primordial soup in any of the stores. Campbell’s says they haven’t carried any of the latter for millions of years.
We now know that Martians once grew peaches, or at least that’s what I got from the story. Scientists have somehow linked some microscopic fibers in peach fuzz to Martians, because both the Earth and Mars either have or may have once had, salt deposits. This theory makes a lot of sense if you happen to be a crack addict, and I suspect that most scientists fit this category, or maybe they’re still using LSD. I think that’s called, “Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds” research, and I can see how that could readily lead to Martians growing peaches in Georgia.
This proves, at least in my mind, that your typical Martian had hair, which explains their keen interest in fuzzy fruit. So far, they’ve found no evidence of orchards on Mars, but the various rovers they’ve sent up there haven’t figured out how to gain entrance to the vast underground cities likely to exist there.
But enough of that – let’s get back to the primordial soup, which also makes quite a bit of sense, when you really think about it with an enhanced mind. It all started with a bunch of minerals floating around, growing tired of having no self mobility. They decided to join forces and become amoebas and parameciums. For a few thousand years, or maybe millions of years, they enjoyed dividing and multiplying. Eventually, they wondered if maybe there weren’t more to life than simple mathematics, so they started solving complex equations, which they called algae bra (I don’t know where the second word came from), later shortened to algebra.
While solving for an unknown, an amoeba and paramecium got stuck together and when they divided one of the terms they evolved to a pair of brine shrimp, but it wouldn’t be until the 1950’s, during the advent of comic book advertising, that they became known as sea monkeys. This in itself seems to prove that monkeys didn’t evolve from sea monkeys.
During the early, formative years, they enjoyed complete freedom, with no natural or unnatural predators. It would be millions of years before they figured out how to make predators, but when they reached that stage they became the only food source of the more evolved creatures they created, such as guppies and black mollies.
My research assistant just asked me what amoebas and parameciums ate, and what brine shrimp ate, if there wasn’t anything to eat? No one ever asked me that before, and I’m not really certain when Flintstones vitamins first came on the scene, so I’m going to have to do some more research before I finish this. For life to begin, wouldn’t the life have to have some source of nourishment? None of this is making much sense now.
Okay, here we go. The laughing gulls evolved from eggs. I’m quite certain of that, because I’ve seen it happen. The eggs evolved from the laughing gulls, because I’ve seen that also. I’m not sure which came first, but it may have been the chicken. Or the egg. Who cares?
I do know that the gulls will be back soon, and they laugh at everything, including bad jokes and bad stories. I hope they read this.
Meantime, I think I’ll go back to reading the Bible. It’s making a lot more sense now.