As a kid, and even up until the time I got my driver’s license, I rode a bike just about every day. Biking seemed rather simple back then – I just got on my bike and rode it. Nowadays it doesn’t work that way for me. Some people seem to have it figured out, and I envy those carefree people.
Riding my bike, or as they call it, cycling, requires preparation. I own cycling shorts, with padding, but rarely wear them. Someone forgot to include a zipper in the front, which makes things rather awkward. I never considered that a problem with a bathing suit, because whenever I wore a bathing suit it was for the express purpose of entering a rather large body of water. I preferred oceans and bays over swimming pools because of the higher, and relatively unnoticeable, dilution factor.
I probably more closely fit the mold of a bike rider rather than a “cycler,” because I never obsess with proper attire. Whatever I happen to be wearing seems about right to me. Hydration used to mean riding to the store and buying an RC, one of the first 16-ounce sodas. Now it involves preparing a water bottle, usually filled with one of the sports drinks, never with anything carbonated, or with anything considered a diuretic. I do wear one of those silly-looking helmets, because I prefer a silly-looking helmet to a grotesque-looking head.
Back in the day, I pumped up my tires every couple of months or so, maybe more often if the rims appeared to be approaching the pavement. Now it’s once a week, need it or not. It’s much easier to pedal when the tires are kept at 60 psi, and at my age and weight, that’s important.
The next step in getting on the road is figuring out where the heck the bike is. In theory it should be hanging on the rack in the garage, but more likely than not, I’ll find it in the back of my SUV. I mounted one of those fork supports on a 2X6, which works pretty well, except it involves taking off the front wheel and removing the seat. Most of the time I just throw the whole bike in on its side. It’s not like it’s a big problem taking off the wheel and the seat (or as they like to call it, saddle), but they are extra steps. I replaced the original seat, which seemed to be made from heat-tempered rhino horn, with a gel saddle. Both were apparently designed by a proctologist. I also invested in a seat post with a shock absorber, which cuts way down on proctologist visits.
Before we get on the road, let me explain why I own a mountain bike, instead of what they call a “comfort bike.” When I bought the bike, the main riding trail was unpaved, so I figured I needed a mountain bike, even though the closest mountain was about 150 miles away. After relocating to an area with hard riding surfaces, I discovered that a mountain bike was not the bike of choice. Actually, I already knew that little fact, but didn’t know that I would be relocating, but that’s a story for another day.
Even so, my bike came with a chrome-molybdenum frame and no shocks, not even in the seat post. The following year, the same model included front shocks, a shock in the seat post, and an aluminum frame, all for the same price I paid. I asked about trading it in, and learned that bikes aren’t like cars.
Al gore wants everyone to ride bikes while he jets around the country to a limousine-in-waiting. This always sounds good, until someone attempts to put it in practice. Bikes were never designed for rain, as I discovered when a sudden storm came up while I was riding a dirt trail. Mountain bikes also lack fenders, so when I reached my vehicle, I looked like the Abominable Mud Man. If you’re one of those “green” people who thinks you’re saving the planet by riding your bike to work, pray that the weather in the morning is the same in the afternoon. Many older people can barely manage walking, and we expect them to ride bicycles?
During a thunderstorm, the metal frame of a bike screams, “Strike me!” For anyone still believing the myth that rubber tires on a car protect you from lightning, I suggest sitting out in an open field during a thunderstorm in a convertible, even with the top up. Better yet, stand out there on a tire. The mass of metal in a vehicle, including the metal roof, allows the lightning to safely seek the ground without including you in the process. It will still probably blow out everything electric.
A car is also considerably less likely to be stolen when you have to park it somewhere. Most cars these days have a remote lock, and it’s a matter of pushing the button. Even without that, it’s a rather simple process locking a vehicle. Not so with bicycles. Most locks can be defeated in a matter of seconds. The better locks offer more security, but the process involves removing the front wheel, and locking the frame, both wheels, and the seat, to something secure. As of 2008, no one has figured out a better method.
Then there’s the little problem of figuring out how to ride home with something you bought at the store. They make baskets and saddlebags, none of which help you get a TV, or even several bags of groceries, safely back to your abode.
All of this is bad enough, even if you live in a city or town where everything you need is available from local stores. Such is not the case in most areas. They usually build shopping malls in areas somewhat removed from urban areas, and biking to a shopping mall and back could take hours, and the problem remains with respect to getting things home. And I haven’t even mentioned the wind and hill problems.
Yes, I think biking is great! It’s great for kids, and for anyone who enjoys sightseeing and just getting exercise. And it’s great for Al Gore, too. Maybe he should consider actually buying one.