A Site for Shore Eyes

Younger generations often wonder why so many of us old fogies, AKA baby boomers, still feel nostalgic about the 1950’s. They ask us if things aren’t better now, what with all the technology available.

Well, technology is a good thing, but I’d give it all up to revert to the type of life we had during the sixth decade of the twentieth century. Yes, I’d give up personal computers, ATMs, mobile phones, color TV, CDs, DVDs, and the rest of the technology that has made many things easier in so many ways.

I suppose readers are now scratching their heads, wondering what’s wrong with me, and if that’s the case, then I doubt that you’re a boomer.

Okay, I suppose some explanations are in order. Back then, we prayed in schools, people followed the rule of law, and most people, especially kids, respected authority. When we watched programs on our black and white TVs we never had to worry about children being present, because swear words were not permitted on TV, and nudity was not considered an element of family fare.

During the fifties we defined abortion as what it is – baby killing. We realized that the baby’s rights were as important as the rights of the pregnant woman, and that a woman’s “choice” to destroy her baby was indeed a criminal act. Most doctors realized they had taken an oath to do no harm. That all went out the window, along with the mangled babies, after 1973, and ridding women of unwanted children became a cottage industry for some in the medical profession. I suspect the baby hackers largely comprise doctors not good enough to be real surgeons who save lives.

Homosexuality was not considered a “gay” activity during those times, and those who considered it vile and disgusting were not ridiculed as the bad guys. Now it’s not uncommon to see grown men prancing down the street in a parade, carrying “Gay Pride” signs. If God thought this was a good idea, Sodom and Gomorrah probably wouldn’t have been vaporized. Although homosexuals make up only a small part of the population, they have inserted themselves into many sitcoms and movies, often treating the subject as if it were humorous. One comedian on a late night show did his entire routine about the fact that he was “gay.” Ha ha. . .

Now they keep pushing for equal rights, as if they deserved special treatment because they practice perverted behavior. Their rights are no different from those of heterosexual individuals. Everyone is free to marry someone of the opposite sex. The idea of people of the same sex marrying each other seems, to many, as ridiculous as someone marrying an article of clothing or an appliance. Should we also make it legal for someone to marry a sex doll? When will this insanity stop?

Probably not anytime soon, based on a Mississippi high school canceling its prom because it told a girl she could not wear a tuxedo and bring her girlfriend. The ACLU took up the case, so the school said, “No prom.”

They keep trying to repeal the “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy in the military. It’s obvious that, since elimination of the draft, the military had to look to women and homosexuals to fill the ranks. Women have served on ships for a quite awhile now (how ridiculous) and now they’re going to put them on submarines (even more ridiculous). If you think putting homosexuals on a ship to share the same living quarters with heterosexuals is a good idea, then you have a different view than my shipmates and I had.

Back when Ike was in office we didn’t have to worry much about the country becoming socialist, or even communist. We were taught in school that something like that could never happen here. That was before the era of the Clintons and Obama. We now have a president and Democratic (Ha-ha!) congress that is hell-bent on tearing up the United States Constitution. The socialist health care bill was rammed down our throats by invoking a procedure that circumvented the two-thirds vote requirement. Republicans, and much of the general public, just sit around in the pot while the water gets warmer. Pretty soon it will be too late to jump out.

Our president is determined to weaken our country and signed a ridiculous treaty with Russia concerning nuclear weapons and missile defense. It hasn’t been pushed through congress yet, but why bother going through the motions? This president does whatever he wants to, whether the people like it or not. Per my observations, he has never acted very presidential; only smug and arrogant. During one of his teleprompter speeches to a partisan audience, he claimed that, in Arizona, if you took your kid out for ice cream you could be harassed. That’s not what the Arizona law said, and it was obvious that the president hadn’t bothered with reading the law before criticizing it. But why bother with silly little details? How about because, as president of the U.S. details are very important?

It still amazes me that, after 9-11, we elected a president named Barack Hussein Obama, who, for at least twenty years sat in church listening to the rantings of a so-called preacher who hates America, white people, and Jews. He has aligned himself with Marxists and radicals throughout his entire adult life and now is determined to force his views on us. Now I hear murmurs concerning possible impeachment, but we see how well that went with Clinton, who they decided to not remove from office for something that would have been a felony for real people. Even if Obama were to be impeached and removed, though, how much better off would we be, with two nut cases, Biden and Pelosi, waiting in the wings?

I suppose part of the nostalgia thing is due to missing old friends and relatives who have passed on, but that’s only part of it. We had our problems back then, but they didn’t seem as ominous. We were proud of our country, respected our flag, as well as authority, and were happy with a lot less than what we require in modern times. An old joke said there was an Eisenhower doll. You wind it up and it does nothing for eight years. Maybe that wasn’t so bad.

It would be time for my annual Memorial Day column if there were such a thing, but since there isn’t, I’ll just move along with my biennial, or triennial, or whatever it is Memorial Day column, which offers advice for summer visitors to the Jersey shore. I guess that means I write it every two or three years or so.

The best way to get to the Wildwoods is by train. Unfortunately, all of the train tracks were removed long ago and converted to bike paths. If you’re coming by bicycle, pack lightly and allow a day or two for travel in each direction.

For those of you coming from far away, it’s very convenient to fly into Cape May County International Airport, if you happen to have your own airplane. Otherwise, you can hitchhike from Atlantic City International Airport, which resembles the real thing, only on a much smaller scale. It’s not in Atlantic City, sort of how The Crest Tavern is not in Wildwood Crest. Nor is Anglesea Auto Repair (don’t go there) in Anglesea. What is it with these places? The Quebec motel is not in Quebec, and The Nassau Motel is not in Nassau, and The Nantucket Motel is not in Nantucket. . . I could go on and on, but strangely enough, The Heart of Wildwood motel is in Wildwood and The Offshore Motel is offshore, meaning inshore, or onshore. If you’re one of those people who thinks that offshore means out in the ocean, rather than inland you would be right, but you wouldn’t be from Cape May County. Don’t ask me. . . By the way, Laura doesn’t own Laura’s Fudge. I know Uncle Bill can’t be flipping pancakes in all of those places.

If you plan on staying at one of the island’s famous Doo-wop motels, you may need a time machine to go back to that era. Condos are readily available at exorbitant prices. For those who consider a stay in a high-rise hotel as the ultimate in beach vacations, your best bet is to go to Myrtle Beach. The future for high rises in Wildwood is still a possibility if the ousted mayor, waiting with his concrete trucks, ever gets his way. You’d think they’d do something with that block the Rio Motel used to sit on, like put in bocce ball courts, or shuffleboard, or a few kiddy rides. Even a flea market would be better than letting it sit there hurting peoples’ eyes. Maybe they have some more of those giant beach balls sitting around somewhere.

For those of you coming from Pennsylvania, you may be shocked to know that New Jersey’s traffic signs and signals differ considerably from those in PA. Stop signs and traffic signals apply to everyone, not just the other guy, so don’t go barreling through either one as if you’re a cop trying to get to Wawa. On main thoroughfares, you’re not required to stop at every intersection, and there’s no requirement for applying your brakes every few hundred feet while driving on a highway. Only the right foot should be used for both the accelerator and brake, thus ensuring that you’re not trying to stop and go at the same time. Your vehicle should be kept to the right of those yellow lines on the road, even on curves.

Some visitors have asked if it’s considered a hobby, such as bird watching, to watch tram cars. I explain that the “Watch the tram car,” announcement means to get out of the way, rather than to explicitly watch it. This is the slogan someone picked long ago, and it’s probably better than using an air horn.

They planted new palm trees at the Sunset Bay restaurant, because the ones from last year didn’t survive the winter, due to global warming. The owners apparently are not aware of the fact that only one type of palm tree is indigenous to the Wildwoods, and that’s the plastic palm. These seem to thrive in all types of weather, and, if desired, the fronds can be removed and stored for the winter; I suppose to reduce color fade.

Mariner’s Landing has a new attraction, the secret Ghost Ship. The idea isn’t much different from the old pirate ship, Skua that was a featured attraction on Hunt’s Pier for a couple of decades. It’s sure to make more money for the Moreys, whether it’s good or bad. They’re still making money from that stupid slide they dragged up here from Florida way back when.

Yes, they have the Midas touch, and have now secured liquor licenses in Wildwood for their boardwalk restaurants. They already had one in North Wildwood for a water park. What could be better than getting snockered while your kids are playing in the water? I suppose Ocean City still has some good points. They don’t allow booze to be sold anywhere in town, let alone on the boardwalk. My last bit of advice is to wait until you actually get here to start drinking, and quit long before you leave. A lot of you people drive crazy enough when you’re sober.

In keeping with the true meaning of Memorial Day, it looks as if the Vietnam Veterans’ Memorial replica will be finished before the weekend. It wouldn’t be a bad idea to stop by and pay your respects.

Bikers, the ones on motorcycles, showed up for the first of two weekends devoted to enthusiasts, one in the spring, and one in the fall. I guess it’s a good idea for the bikers and business owners who reap the profits, but it’s not really that great for others. They don’t really cause much trouble; but their machines belch out deafening roars. The law requires mufflers on cars, so I don’t really get the purpose of the unwritten exemption.

Another new section of boardwalk has been completed for the Moreys. The replaced walk also provides better vehicle access to their piers. No one seems all that interested in replacing parts of the walk in other places, although it’s planned for the future. The city says that UEZ money was used for the new work, and that looks as if it’s maybe going to dry up under the new governor. It would be nice if city officials cared as much about the streets as they do about the boards, but no one has worried about Wildwood streets for at least the past 50 years. If they announced they were going to repave all streets with concrete, the former mayor would probably show a lot of interest.

Just an observation, but the tram cars used to stop before reaching Mariner’s Landing, that is, until the Moreys took over the old Fun Pier, where The Great White rollercoaster now sits. It suddenly became a good idea to improve the boardwalk so the tram cars could run all the way to each end. This is all simply coincidental, I suppose.

Residents can hope that if Wildwood ever decides to improve the main avenues it doesn’t follow the formula used for the north section of Pacific Avenue. This past year they announced the rest of Pacific was going to be improved, and there was even talk of LEDs to light the way. Fortunately, that hasn’t happened. It still amazes me how, after three attempts, they still managed to mess up the street! The downtown area used to bustle during the summers, day and night, but shopping malls are not the reason it went downhill in a hurry.

Rarely missing an opportunity to use someone else’s idea, former city officials attempted to emulate Cape May’s pedestrian mall. They forgot a few things, however, and one was that Wildwood is not Cape May and shouldn’t try to be. Merchants along Pacific Avenue were forced to pay for this fiasco, and many of them left town after discovering that the pedestrians were on the boardwalk. Thankfully, they finally tore up the mall and gave the bricks away to residents who yearned to create their own pedestrian malls.

While trying to figure out what the three-foot high letters painted on the bike trail in North Wildwood, reading, “BIKE ONLY” meant, I determined, by observation, that it means walk with toddlers and dogs, obstructing those on bicycles. Strollers also seem to fit within the definition of bikes. I’m not talking about an isolated incident, but a rather common occurrence among those who think they’re special and don’t have to follow any rules. Also, even during this early part of the season, the wooden pathway running from 13th Avenue south, has only two or three signs in each direction indicating that one side is for bikes, and the other is for pedestrians. They clearly need a greater number of signs, and should consider installing flashing lights and alarms.

Speaking of people not following rules, I saw a sloppy-looking individual park his vehicle in the fire zone in front of a dollar store, hang a handicapped sign on his rearview mirror, and waddle into the store. These people never seem to get cited by the police for being arrogant and idiotic.

Also, for anyone who’s interested, drivers making left turns do not have the right-of-way over oncoming traffic at stop signs, and there is no “taking turns” at a regular two-way stop sign, only at three- and four-way stops.

For anyone who’s interested, the marshes are starting to green up, and the unusually high number of flood tides has the laughing gulls squawking, but not laughing, about their floating nests, which shouldn’t be floating. If the eggs start to get away, the gulls sometimes destroy them.

Some of the seasonal stores off the walk have opened for the season, some only on weekends and some full time. Others are waiting for more crowds. Hired help is hard to come by at this time of year without importing workers from other countries. There’s that school thing here. It may be even harder to find help this year because some Philly teachers went on strike, and the students have to hang around up there until the end of June. I remember when my Philly friends would wait for me to get out of school each day because they got out so much earlier than we did. Things change. . .

They’re still building condos, even though they can’t sell the ones already built. Some people still don’t understand that Wildwood visitors want motels, not condos or high rises. That’s the way it’s been for at least fifty years, and it’s not likely to change based on developers’ whims.

This whole article has been a bit whimsical, so I’ll just add that the Ferris wheel on Mariner’s Landing still has LED’s, but it seems just a bit brighter than last year, and the change of colors and patterns is back. Well, at least there’s some good news. . .