A Site for Shore Eyes

The powers that be in Wildwood, in another brilliant move, okayed riding bikes on the boardwalk until 12 noon. Then they added that it would not become law until North Wildwood enacted a similar ordinance for its part of the boardwalk. North Wildwood officials stated that there is no intention to do so at this time. That’s sort of like saying you don’t have to pay for metered parking as long as North Wildwood doesn’t require it. I hope the latter doesn’t become a reality, because North Wildwood’s meters operate until the last Sunday in October, much later than those in Wildwood and the Crest.

At least the commission stated that riding would be permitted until 12 noon, unlike the local CVS pharmacy, which has a neon sign proclaiming, “Open from 8 a.m. to 12 p.m. 7 Days.” That means the store is open for only four hours a day, which is not the case.

The U.S. Navy eliminates confusion concerning a.m. and p.m. by using a 24-hour clock. Noon is designated as twelve hundred, and midnight is twenty-four hundred. One minute after midnight is 00:01.

In the real world, there’s no real consensus on whether or not noon is a.m. or p.m., but it’s more common to be considered as p.m., which means post meridian, not past midnight. It’s easier to think of the time between 12 o’clock and 1 o’clock in determining which to use. For example, 12:15 p.m. is in the afternoon, and 12:15 a.m. is in the morning. Or you can just say, “noon fifteen,” I suppose.

Anyway, if you’re thinking of creating a permanent neon sign for your business, you should consider the format in advance; otherwise you could see a rush of customers in the morning attempting to beat the noon deadline. Or, you could experience many disgruntled customers upset that your business closed before midnight.

Some other items considered by the Wildwood commissioners are:

• Underage drinking in taverns, provided the state passes a similar law.
• Placing permanent signs on the boardwalk that read, “Free Tramcar Rides Tomorrow.”
• Buying giant umbrellas to match the giant beach balls.
• Extending the tourism and development tax to include not just motels and restaurants, but also Anglesea Auto Repair, which already charges its customers for the tax.

The commissioners adjourned the meeting when they were unable to think of anything more ridiculous than considering keeping bars open 24/7.

Okay, I’m kidding. They’re not really considering the giant umbrellas, but that doesn’t mean they won’t at some point in the future.

Well, I have to stop because I have to get to the pharmacy before noon.

There’s one big reason people of all ages and from all walks of life rent bicycles and pedal around the island. No one has identified that reason, but the bike rental agencies don’t really care, as long as people continue renting bikes.

During the summer season a bike may be the quickest means of getting from one part of the island to another. This is due to cyclists not having to worry about stopping for those silly traffic signals that operate independently from block to block. Most are located on streets with very little traffic. My favorite is at Aster Road and Park Blvd in the Crest. The school on Aster was demolished and replaced with houses years ago, but the traffic signal lives on. It’s vitally important because of the steady stream of vehicles crossing Park Blvd and driving to the bulkhead a hundred feet away.

Traffic on Park Blvd used to be heavier years ago, partly due to the party boats that docked between Sweet Briar and Aster Roads, but also because more vacationers stayed at the many rooming houses in the area. During the 50’s and 60’s, the buses also ran a Park Blvd route during the summer months. Guests at our rooming house had only to go stand on the corner to catch a ride uptown for a night of clubbing or walking the boards. Nowadays, the Great American Trolley Company runs fake trolleys on the island, but no one seems to know when or where they run, so they run mostly empty.

Back to the bikes. . . The second biggest impediments to bike riders, after vehicles, are beach-going pedestrians, who now enjoy special protection under New Jersey law. Beachgoers dragging folding chairs, umbrellas, wagons, coolers, and kids, step off the curb without looking and play Frogger with the traffic. Vehicles must stop for them, and they apparently assume that bicycles are vehicles. This year could set a new record for shoobie road kill.

The safest place to ride within the City of Wildwood, other than the boardwalk, is in Wildwood Crest or North Wildwood. Both adjacent municipalities have both bike paths and bike lanes. In Wildwood, the onus is on the cyclist to avoid getting run over. Cyclists in Wildwood often ride on the sidewalks, sort of like a payback for the idiots who walk on the bike paths in North Wildwood.

Bikes must be off the boardwalk by 11:00 a.m., and until that time, the walk resembles Le Tour de France. I still see some idiots riding the boards after eleven o’clock, which isn’t that surprising, because some people ignore the no dogs rule also. There’s a reason dogs are not permitted on the boardwalk, and it involves their lack of potty training.

As I’ve pointed out before, people have apparently lost the ability to read, even when pictures replace words. They can’t read speed limit signs, stop signs, and signs designating areas for bikes only, so don’t assume a car will necessarily stop for a stop sign or traffic signal.

At some point in time, someone figured out that rented bikes in a resort town were not nearly as exciting or dangerous as they could be, and neither tandem nor triple seat bikes filled the bill, so the multi-rider surrey was introduced. These contraptions carry several individuals, all with different ideas about the direction and speed of the carriage. They also take up a lot of space on the road, and don’t appear to be as maneuverable as they should be. No one has figured out how to properly work one, so it’s not unusual to see four people yelling at each other about where they’re supposed to go and who’s not pedaling. For some reason they consider this funny and sit there laughing loudly while impeding traffic.

Bike riders will soon see an added element of danger to their rides around the island. The new commissioners in Wildwood held a hearing concerning extending bar hours from 3:00 a.m. to 4:00 a.m, but wisely vetoed the measure, promising instead to consider keeping bars open all night long. This pretty much proves that on any level of politics, only morons are interested in the job. What could be better for a resort town swollen with tourists than to have drunks staggering and driving around 24/7? One commissioner is a former cop, so maybe the plan is to increase revenue from DUIs. . .

The bar owners claim that they are losing vast sums of money by not being permitted to stay open an hour later. I think that any tavern owner who can’t make enough money from booze by three in the morning should have his liquor license permanently revoked and should be appointed to a position in DC.

They advertise the Wildwoods as the cheapest vacation spot at the Jersey Shore. If this law passes people can stop throwing away money on motel rooms and spend their entire vacations sitting on bar stools. Sounds like a lot of fun.

Oops! I forgot that this was about the pleasures and benefits of biking on a crowded barrier island. Does that sound like a fun thing to do?

On the eve of Independence Day weekend, I thought it would be nice to write something about patriotism.

California is painting over a mural of the American flag that has been there for eight years, stating that it’s considered graffiti. Hmm. . . . I know graffiti when I see it, and Old Glory doesn’t qualify in that department.

Okay, then, Arlington High School, in Massachusetts, refused to allow the Pledge of Allegiance to be recited every morning. Judson Pierce, a Committee member, said he would have to do more research and wanted to be sure that students who didn’t want to say the pledge were protected. Hey, if someone has a problem with saying the Pledge of Allegiance, what the heck are they doing in this country? Go back where you belong!

Oh, yeah, and after the Supreme Court said a cross in the Mojave Desert honoring Korean War veterans could stay, some kind soul tore it down and carted it off.

Somehow we got a president who seems to hate Christians, Jews, whites, and America in general, and kowtows to our proven enemies. He thinks Marxism and socialism are fair economic systems, because they spread the wealth around from those who work hard to those who do little or no work. There’s a reason socialism works for insects, but not people. Bugs only produce the same thing, over and over, and they don’t buy houses, cars, or boats. Sort of like Islamic countries, when you think about it. The only things they seem capable of making are IEDs.

Well, this has gotten so depressing I think I’ll just hold off until next year to write something about patriotism. Or maybe I’ll just wait until November 2012. Right now I’m going to go hang my American flag banners.