Q: My English teacher keeps talking about present tents, past tents, and future tents, but I have no idea what she’s talking about. Does this have something to do with Indians?
A: Originally, it did, but now it applies mostly to hikers and campers. Present tents are those currently on the ground. Past tents, as you may have suspected, are tents that were once in one spot but have since been removed, either voluntarily or by Mother Nature. Future tents are those that have yet to be pitched.
Q: How do you pitch a tent? Do you just throw it on the ground?
A: That could be part of it.
Q: Speaking of American Indians, we were waiting for a table in a restaurant when factions of a tribe came in, checked their tomahawks at the door, and were immediately seated. What’s the deal?
A: This would be your tax dollars at work. Uncle Sam makes reservations for Indians who want them. Sometimes even for those who don’t want them.
Q: Since we’re on the subject, where do the Plains Indians live?
A: They live in Georgia, producing mostly peanut crops.
Q: I’ve noticed that Indian tribes seem to have disappeared with the American Bison. On that note, I was wondering if you could tell me why chicken wings are not called Bison Wings?
A: Yes, I can. Last time I checked, Bison, New York doesn’t exist. Can we return to English questions?
Q: I have an English question. What is an adverb?
A: Have you ever seen those TV commercials that push a product and tell you to call now? Well, “call” is an adverb, meaning, literally, that it’s a verb within an ad, short for advertisement.
Q: Can you tell me about colons and periods?
A: Those subjects would be more appropriately discussed in health class.
Q: What about contractions?
A: Those should be discussed with your Ob/Gyn physician.
Q: Can you straighten me out on the usage of pronouns?
A: Possibly. Obviously, Peyton Manning is a pronoun, as is his brother. There’s disagreement concerning Archie, however. Some experts think he still deserves to be called a pronoun, while others think “former” pronoun would be more appropriate. On a personal note, who cares?
Q: What about the Washington Redskins? Should they change their name, so as to not offend some people, such as those living in Washington State?
A: Absolutely. The DC Redskins would satisfy all parties. Washington should not be a part of the team’s name. Or they could just move to another city. The Reno Redskins has a nice ring to it, and it’s alliterative, whatever that means.
Q: Is there a difference between because and since?
A: Not usually, but sometimes. I’ve been waiting since an hour ago for this question to pop up, because I’m getting hungry. I’m outta here!