Imagine some of the things my wife has to put up with! I often get in bed and just have to know about something, such as, “Who sang, Little Star?” Okay, maybe not that, because I can just look that up in my head. No, it wasn’t The Elephants, it was The Elegants.
Okay, okay, let’s find a better example, such as, “Who played third base for the Chicago Cubs in 1956?” To quickly ascertain this answer, should I consult the “Encyclopaedia Britannica, The World Book, Groliers, or the cheap encyclopedia volumes offered by the A&P, AKA the Great Atlantic and Pacific Tea Company back in the fifties? Well, the last one is out, because I haven’t seen them since sometime around 1962, or maybe it was 1963. Yes, it could have been 1964, or even later, or earlier. WE THREW THEM OUT A LONG TIME AGO, OKAY?
I don’t even know which ones are spelled, “encyclopaedia,” but ever since Disney’s Wonderful World of Color, which we stubbornly watched in black and white, I’ve trusted Jiminy Cricket’s spelling, which was E-N-C-Y-C-L-O-P-E-D-I-A. I’m no fool, no sirree!
Where was I? Oh, that’s right, I was in Chicago. Not really, but I was in bed and had to decide which volume of which set to look in. Just to be safe, I got the volumes for C and B, for “baseball” That should be enough.
I plopped the books on the bed and my wife asked, “What are you doing, Honey?”
What did she think I was doing? “Lookin’ sumpin’ up.”
“Looking what up?”
“Nothing. I mean, just something,” I mumbled.
“Well, is it something or nothing? she asked.
“Then you shouldn’t bother looking it up, if it’s nothing.”
“I mean it’s not important, but I want to know anyway,” I snapped.
“Well, what is it?”
“Nothing you would know or care about. I’m just trying to find out who played third base for the Cubs back in 1956. It’s just something I’m trying to remember, that’s all.”
“I think it was Don Hoak, but you can wait until tomorrow to look it up.”
Now I wanted to haul out the H book to simplify things, but decided to wait.
“Okay, I’ll put these books back.”
“What books?” she asked. The light on your phone is keeping me awake. Please don’t play any YouTube videos, okay?
“Okay. Good night, Sweetie!”